This blog will actually contain a lot of personal truth. How I feel, things i've encountered. What lead me to becoming the person, friend, and father I am now. This blog was actually inspired in church Sunday. I left my son with my wife while I went in the back to change my daughter. He yelled across the church "daddy" and came running down the aisle. Two days later while I was at work, my wife called saying my daughter didn't feel well and was calling for me. Small instances like this weighs on a fathers mind heavily.
Past Presently
I have not one memory of calling my father and him being around to answer. I've seen him four times in my life but I would never call him a dead beat because to this day I can always call him for advice. I had 2 kids before my marriage which makes 3 total. I have three totally different relationships stemming from the the different circumstances that's involved. I love my kids equally even though the time with each shows differently. Just as my youngest two were able to call on me, my oldest is not in a situation to do so. This is about to explain to you not what every father feels but where they can relate.
Missed Intentions.
February 7, 2006 three days before my birthday I received a called from I-95 letting me know that my daughter was being moved to New York. I remembered it like it was yesterday. Many nights it was just me and my tears. Then that was my only child, my baby, my heart. Just imagine your worst cased scenario and multiply by ten. That's how I felt. The next thing I saw from my daughter was of course child support papers. I can honesty admit I missed everything with my oldest. No first words, no first day of school and etc. That left a burning motivation in me that can never be ousted.
Deja Vu
October of 2010 there was a knock at the door at which was then my girlfriend house. It was the police serving me another notice of another child support date. This time it was for my son. Mother of this child filed court papers, changed her number, and like my daughter I was unable to see my child. Two weeks after I had gotten married I was in court. I wouldn't say these was spiteful acts but at the same time took away opportune bonding time. Not one day goes by where my kids are not amongst my thought process, but from the outside in it wouldn't seen that way.
Today
Little less than 9 months ago my wife and I was blessed with a little girl. To most she seem to be my favorite but she's the most consistent. She's there, available as I would want my other two. Being a father is impossible without the opportunity to do so. Time is precious, money can be replaced. I remember what I missed so much with my other two so I embrace so much with my youngest. I hold her tight because I know how easily it can be taken away from me. I just have to remember time was the thing that was taken, the label "Father" is still there. Just make the best of the opportunities given.
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