TAKE CONTROL

Goooood Gracious it has been a minute since I've spoken, Well I guess to put this pen to paper. A lot of good going. A lot of positive. More growth than anything else. That's probably been the biggest reason I haven't been writing. I've been doing more learning. My ears have really been working. For the most part of my life, I've been learning on the fly for lack of a better term. Adapting to my environments and leaping without a safety net. Now I found myself in unfamiliar air and territory that's uncharted to all my friends. So I read. My God I READ. I study those who move strange (differently) and most important I study those who make an impact. Lately, I took a step back and look at those who don't aspire anything. The uninspired. Les Brown said, "most people die at the age of 21 it just take them 60 years to do so." I've never seen a dead body, but I see dead ones all the time. It took me over thirty years to realize I was dying without having to have a doctor diagnosed it. Another part of my growth was simply acknowledging that the power of the tongue is real. No this isn't the "shouldn't speak negative speech". This is that train your thought process speech. Your ears are always listening and your brain is always trying to apply what is learning. Speaking positive, speaking with purpose, and speaking life will train your brain to expect better results. Most always expect the worse because that's all they've seen. YOU create your own existence. I have always thought we were victims to our environment. Can't speak for everyone, but I was just a VICTIM of my own thought process. You speak about your own existence. I say what I am. I say what I do. Most of all I say what I mean. A couple of nights ago I had a dream that I fell and a ghost came through the wall and I was basically glued to the floor. I was just forced to watch as transparent figure took its time coming towards me. I opened my eyes and I was in my room. I still couldn't budge. I said "I can move" and it felt a weight was lighted off me. "I can" is the deadly combination that ever existed. Everything that follows will follow in your life.

I want to take a moment and say goodbye to poverty. Not saying I'm rich. I'm saying the mind state. Poor man's thinking. The thinking of what you can not have or deserve. Simply because you haven't achieved it so far. Two new words to add to your dictionary. "Too" and "Also". It is meant for you TOO! You can have it ALSO. Blessings are made in an abundance. There's more than enough to go around. Just make sure you are ready to able to take advantage of them when they come. DEMAND it of yourself. I hate going to the gym. I hate training. I hate being outside in the heat, but every time I go to the gym someone is there. When I look at another salesman they're training. Outside the dealership, somebody is always in the heat. So I demand myself. If I am going to make it I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'm going to have to beat you to the gym. I'm going to train before work. I'm going to stand front and center in Hell's kitchen. I demand it of myself. I'm going to put myself in the BEST possible situation to succeed. I'm going to be ready for my blessing. Don't think just because it hasn't happened it will not. God is like your Boss. He's watching you work. Watching you develop. Your blessing is right around the corner. Whether it's your promotion, marriage, child, car, house, whatever you're praying for. Pretend it's in the mail. Start getting ready for it. Make sure you're ready for it. Ask yourself "what else can I do to position myself for my blessing?"

I google myself on a weekly basis just to remind myself I'm not shit yet. I mean NOTHING comes up. I've finished at the top of two totally different organizations in sales and to me, that is a huge accomplishment in the broad prospective of things it is insignificant. There are over 300 cars dealerships in South Carolina alone. Each has at least 10-20 and sometimes 30 sales professionals at each place. Regardless of what many believe people don't just walk up to the dealership and order a White Charger with leather. By the way, make it a Hemi. The grind on an everyday basis is brutal. I've only been in the cars business for a little over 3 years and have worked with over 150 salespeople. 19 sales managers and countless business managers. The turnover rate is real. The hours are LONG! To actually sell your hours can become unbearable. I get up at 5 am every morning hit the gym then I start promoting on my social media outlets (Alexander Corbitt on Facebook). Come home to get some reading and training in. Then go to work and hit the phones. Have to hit 20 to 40 phone calls. You may only talk to one maybe two people. Now promote some more. Now let's check service and see if someone is in there. Promote some more. Stand in the front and see if some pull in. Promote some more. Make some more phone calls. Remember you are strictly commission based so you have to sell something today. Your family is depending on you. You bills are coming in. Your future won't be handed to you. You have 11 hours 6 days a week to grind. It is not for the faint of heart. I demand more. I use 16 hours a day. The same 6 days (My wife demands I save Sunday for Church and family time). Nothing comes easy, but everything comes eventually.

MAXIMUM EFFORT WILL GET YOU MAXIMUM RESULTS! Point blank period. If anybody knows a shortcut please share. YOU WILL NOT GET AHEAD TRYING TO GET OVER ON ANYONE. You are meant to provide your own way. Nobody's hand is meant to be to your mouth. If some else has it use that as an example that it can be achieved. Not as an opportunity to eat off their plate. Opportunities are slim, but the effort isn't. Where ever you at right now with whatever you are doing just do it just a little better. Work just a little faster. Smile while you're doing it. Now think about your mood as you read that. If anywhere in that statement you felt resistance let it go. If your statement was I don't get paid for that let it go. I've taken 4 hours trips for free, wash cars, move cars in the heat, take out the trash, delivered cars that I someone else has sold. Just do it. Get to your blessing. Put yourself in the best possible position to succeed. Take every excuse they have not to promote you, marry you, approve you and so on and so forth. Make it without a shadow of a doubt that you were long overdue for it. The key word is YOURS. Use YOUR effort to get what YOU want. Don't take advantage of a situation because it will not last long. I had a similar situation happen just a few weeks ago. Had a buddy of mine take a new job and wanted me to come along. I was tempted. I saw the money. I felt it in my hand. I filled out the application and got hired on the spot. Took the drug test and turned in my notice. As I was saying my goodbyes my wife and I got called into the office. I was kind of swayed that Bob Richard's had my best interest at heart and a week later my friend was fired. I need to give him a call.

Charlemagne will never know how much he helps over this past month. I got back to reading his book this month and it had to be God (not Charlemagne) speaking through the pages. I've gotten so caught up in the bigger picture. Trying to figure how can I get to the Forbes list. How can I get this bigger house that all the kids can fit in? My wife wants this SUV. I need Google to know who I am. I don't want to be 40 where I am at. I want more! Charlemagne has a Chapter in his book called " Put the weed in the bag first." It was like a beer after a LONG day of work. It was a reference from the movie Belly when Tommy Bunz who was played by DMX (who was my favorite rapper at the time) was schooling two younger kids. They were in the mix of talking about how much money they were going to make and this that and third. Tommy told them "Put the weed in the bag first then get money!" It didn't register at all with me at the time what he really meant until it was in layman's term in the book (which is actually a really good read). It simply means FOCUS ON WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW and the rest will come in time. I sold ten cars straight after reading that (I'll probably be on more child support after my kid's mother read this). Take care of what you can control. I cannot do anything more than selling a car to put me closer to where I want to be. SO guess what I'm going to do. SALE A CAR. That what my job is and that's what I'm going to do. I have a lot more to say and a lot more blogs to come so like Omari Hardwick I'm Ghost.

I DIDN'T DO IT FOR THE CULTURE

I did it for the culture....

If I said that it'll be a lie. I did it for me. I did it for my dreams. I did it for my future. I did it for my kids. Most of all I did it for my legacy. I want to set the bar. I don't want to be the example, I want to be the exception. I want to show the impossible, not tell the "what if" story. I wish I could've just said I did it to make my mom proud. Honestly that's not why my life is lived. Against the grain and overachieving is where most of my achievements lie. Doing what I most fear at such a rate of self destruction is where I see my accomplishments. I did it for me. I did it for life. It had to be done. I was the one that had to do it. It had to be me. I achieved it. I accomplished it. I killed him.

It wasn't quick. No guns or knives. Bats or even punches. I simply suffocated him...

Having all the power in the world to stop it, but knowing it was for the best. Not letting all the strength and courage it took for you to get to the this point fade. All the practice and patience. The studying, learning his strengths and weaknesses. Learning how to attack and counter attack. Taking any chance of survival away. Sitting, watching, and anticipating... Here's my chance. Cold night air ripping through my rain coat as the rain ran down my hands making it damn near impossible to grip the plastic bag. Chance of execution is slim. It has to be here. It has to now. They night will cut his vision and the rain will keep his attention. He can not live not another second. Here goes nothing.

Only thing is...

It didn't go anything like that. It did get your attention. I did kill someone. Me. I couldn't go on anymore. Well not being the person I was. I could no longer surrender to a life of settling for what was given. Friends that only focus what's new and family that focus more creating debt than wealth. One day I simply decided I would just step out the quick sand. No more stationary bicycles. In order to do so I had to just simple stop. Stop inconveniencing myself just to accommodate family. Stop buying new stuff just to show off for the hood. Just stop. Stop. STOP. (Take a minute right now just to sit still. No moving) Not at all easy. Sometimes stopping is hard, but no stopping will kill you. Can't please everyone. Especially if you're not happy. We are creatures of habits. Don't believe me? Get in a stressful situation and watch how you revert back to what you know best. Only way to really stop is to kill it. Burn it to the ground. rebuild through the ashes.

Make your friends rich and your enemies rich, Sit back and see which is which.

That statement does not have anything to do with what I'm writing. It was just a real statement from Ironman. I will just say watch the hands. Success bring out the worse in people. Not them being successful. Your success. Whether they are well accomplished, a fixture, or a prodigy. They don't want success for you. I love the slow claps. You know the one accompany by the smirks. That is follow by that statement... "He use to be.." He in which you speak of is deceased. Shouldn't speak ill of the dead. They greatest (and worst) thing about success is that it makes people pay attention. It forces you into the conversation. You will notice by the statements of... "I just talked about you last week..". Good or bad my name rolled off your tongue and into another's ears. That's how success travel. Life is funny. Death is real. In every death there is a change in life. I simply used my death to spark a change in my life. If you died today... What life would you create?

Create Your Own Tomorrow.

Hello world. It's me again. I know you're expecting the long winded gasp for air with just the hint of creativity in between my prospective and point of view. You may actually see some, but not as much as usual. This is just heavy on my heart heavy and I decided to pull out the old trusty dusty pen and pad to let it out. First of all let me apologize for taking so long to write. Life happens and you will learn about a lot of it in this blog alone. First let me get the elephant out of the room. In 2015 I lost my dad and marriage within a days time. One I should've lost a lot sooner than the other. Honestly probably shouldn't have never happened. Not to bash or anything along those line because totally not the case. It probably was.. Well actually it was me. I should matter fact I am apologizing for that. I was in no state mind to be getting married never should've took that step and it doesn't justify those actions. I guess it is a long winded gasp for air, but I promise you I'm going to tie this all together. Trust me I've paid/paying for those actions and not complaining one bit. From the moment I said I was getting married I knew I've made a mistake. I always waited on tomorrow to save me. Funny how that sounds huh. I'm going to explain.

You've notice in that first collaberation of a R. Kelly song and Keith Sweat mix I've just created I said varies versions of "I". That's me taking responsibility for MY actions. It's called ownership. She isn't a bad person by any stretch of the imagination it was just we wasn't capabale. A phillip head bolt is great, but not so much if you only have a flat head screw driver. Like oil for water as some may say. This is just what it would look like when you actually look at the situation than the actual person. Kind of viewed the relationship as more of a job oppotunity than an actual loving relationship. Looked more at what could potential to be true to what is true and in your face. What was true was this was a show. Julius Ceasar at it's finest. For viewing eyes to see. Halloween smiles under crying eyes. It's no other way to put it. No creative flower to unfold for this one. I wish I could pant a nice portait for you. From the ashes I've created there is no phoenix. I basically created my own hell on Earth. I won't elaborate because there is no need to. I've also noticed how I've keep saying "but". That's the perfect word to describe that situation because that's the first response I wanted to use when anyone complimented me on my marriage. Pride wouldn't allowed to let the word to roll off my tongue.

Tomorrow will not always come. There was only two reason I was hoping for tomorrow. This is honestly how I felt. For me to get the courage to leave or for God to take me away. During the span of my marriage I've went through three horrific accidents. First I almost drown off my boat, secondly I hit a deer on my motorcycle, and thirdly I ran my car off the road in the woods. Even after that I didn't feel like I lost my life until lost my father. My very last words to him was "Dad. Me and my wife are separating. I'm trying to find a place to put my stuff. Can I call you back?" Tomorrow never came. I just remember coming straight home and going straight hoping tomorrow would an end to this. When tomorrow never came for my father it gave me enough strength to want a better tomorrow for myself. So I made sure my last words to him wasn't a lie. I left. Cliche to say tomorrow isn't promise. It's not. It will not guarantee change. Sometimes you have create your own tomorrow today. My life has been driven by fear. Fear of failfure, fear of disappointing others, and fear of letting others down. That same fear had created a cacoon in which I've lived in. Trying to protect a picture that actually really needed to get exposed. No need to cry over spilled milk right. Depends on what walk of life you are viewing the milk. Somebody somewhere would love some spilled milk. By now all you read was blah blah blah yada yada yada where's the point and how do I get to it right? Here's my point.

Life is bigger than the decisions that you make. They effect more than you. It's not the butterfly affect or Newton's law of gravity. You can't just throw away the Rubik's cube away once you can't figure it out. No reset button no matter how bad you may want one. Teacher's spend great money to educate, but yet life failure's will always remain the greatest teacher. Boy have I've learned mine. Tomorrow my father we will never share another. Tomorrow my ex we shall never share another. Today is the day have to make decisions for tomorrow. Tomorrow will not take care of itself and I have to take of myself. Miracles happen everyday, not to the same person. You can not just dig yourself a hole and wait for a hero. The South is a long way from Gotham City. Mistakes are made. That's a fact. Some can't prevented. You can however prevent how long they linger. I've had three different situations in which I shouldn't have seen tomorrow. Shouldn't be sharing it with no one. Since I'm able to see today I''m better prepared for tomorrow. I think. We'll see. I appreciate you taking the time out to read my scattered thoughts. Hopefully I've.. well i don't know what I've done other than get this off my chest. I hope it was a good read though. God bless...

It Looks Like Rain

It looks like rain, clouds are looking a couple shades of grey. Not quite fifty. The darker ones are noticeable enough to read though. The breeze is warm. Feels good against my skin. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then breathed again. It feels good outside, but it looks like rain. The view from the porch is nice. As the wind makes the fall leaves sway and my grandma's old chime sings. I might just join the chime for a note of two. The cracks of my mouth point toward my eyes and my heart followed it's trend. My feet wants hit the ground, but it looks like rain. A few rain drops won't hurt. As a kid I've played in it. That's what my mind would say. My body is disagreeing. Foreseeing tomorrow would have is own forecast of cover and recovering for me. The rain hasn't come yet but I'm sure of it. Look at those clouds, it has to be. Maybe it will come and go, it'll past. It couldn't possibly last, not too long. I mean it's too warm and feel good not to be enjoying this day. I refuse to stay on this porch. I'm just going to get caught in this rain. Stepping down a step as the now stormy skies has now established itself. As the rain goes from looks like maybe to look like it's most certain. The sky becomes a stage as the rain gets ready to makes its grand entrance. Right on cue, the sun breaks through. Spend so much time anticipating trouble just because it looked the part. Looks like the only thing that kept me from enjoying my day was myself. It looked like rain. Now I'm looking at sunshine.

Half Way Out

          It's was after midnight one night when I awoke in a cold cold bed. I reached over for the one that I lay with, But to no avail no flesh was touched. My hands gripped the sheets as my eyes opened, gazing at the ceiling. As thoughts began to race through my head I say along the edge of the bed. "Could it be?" I dared not to answer myself. I got dressed and proceeded to my car. As I grabbed my door handle my eyes looked upwards on my neighbors light. I was intrigue to say the least, just a little curious. It draws you like a moth to a flame. It called to me as if it had assumed control of my body. I walked toward the light without any reason. It led me to the front door which was ajared. I advanced into the hallway and walked to this little white door. As I turned the door knob my heart started pounding. For no reason I began breathing hard as the door started opening letting the light in. The light shined on an O too familiar face sleep in the arms of another too familiar face. My girl was in the arms of my neighbor.

          I've played on both sides of the fence in different times of my life. In this case I played both because if I played the victim I would be wrong. Condoning the cheating would be wrong but I would be a hypocrite if I spoke on it. In many instances I allowed it to happen and I can honestly say if I didn't deserved what happened I could say her actions were justified. That's why after seeing that I closed the door, packed my stuff and left. I bowed out peacefully. There was no reason to fight. I didn't fight to do what was right in the relationship, why fight when I see the wrong. Life delivers a funny way of showing you that this world is much bigger than you are. That day was the changing of the guard.

          I shared that story with you to get you to hopefully understand the point I'm about to make a little easier. You cannot serve two masters, cannot play both sides of the fence, and if your attention is elsewhere you are truly lacking somewhere. One door has to be closed before opening another one. This is not limited to getting into relationships. Some feel that they don't want to be in a relationship anymore should seek the same advice. You can not be single and in a relationship at the same time. There is a right and wrong to break ups but that is a blog for another day. In this story the door I left open, with me not occupying it left room for someone else to walk right in it. Hopefully someone more deserving. Nevertheless when I closed that door the room was already being occupied.

          The grass is sometimes greener on the other side. Sometimes leaving is the best option. Opting out isn't the easy out, sometimes it's the hardest one to make. The grass can also be just as green on your side of the fence. You just have to put the time and preventive maintenance to keep your lawn thriving. It's all about where your attention is. Your attention will determine where your effort is. If your effort is on both sides... eventually both lawns will die. Focus is key and details are everything. Like my mom use to love to tell me. "You didn't grow up in a barn, close the door behind you."

Time Is Just Out Of Your Grasp.

Swing low sweet chariot and carry me home

This was it. Life as I know it has come to an end. What about my kids is what I thought. I gradually sunk towards the bottom as I took the last breath I would take on this side. This is the final stage. My pure tears mixed with muddy water from the lake as my wife and daughter watched helplessly. Curtains closed, end of the scene.

As beautiful as that may sound that is a very true statement. A few months ago I almost surrendered my life to Barnwell's very own Lake Brown. Life is fragile and we "Thank God for this day" as a formality, but on that Sunday I awoke and shed tears to that very assertion. The feeling of the earth under my feet was an orgasmic feeling. I always took life for granted, always planned for tomorrow. What if tomorrow never comes?

Life isn't for the taking

Funny because I'm in this lifetime commitment called marriage but life haven't committed time to me. In what I would consider strongly by today's standard material wise the best year of my life. My goal for this year was to provide for my family, period. Any needs would be met and provide for every desire. More things, more trips, more is better right. Wrong. More material meant more time which in return meant less of me. My intentions was always to relax but when? What if I didn't make it out of the lake? There would be plenty of material but no me.

No time like the present, after all.

I have a son and a daughter before my marriage they weigh heavy on my mind. My daughter I've seen 3 times in 7 seven years and my son, well his situation is different. My daughter is the typical "I'm hoping to get her for the summer" senario and my son is more attached to his mother due to my absence earlier on due to some disagreement and misbehavior. I'll never proclaim myself as the "Worlds Greatest Father" I'm a military spouse I wouldn't have time to. My time consist of being a full time father on time of deployments. I would say I would rather be a better father. I thought in time I would learn how or if it's possible. Time isn't always on our side is it?

But the time we do have is precious, the air your are breathing right now is sacred. Somebody somewhere just took there last breath. They will never see their love ones again. Tomorrow is not an option for them. There is no do over, no time for ask for or accepting of forgiveness. No more hearing or saying I love you. I almost had this feeling. I think about this every moment. I cherish everything I lay my eyes on. I don't appreciate my wife's smile, I embrace her presence. That was almost no more. Time isn't coming, it's winding down. Life is sweet, taste every drop. I no longer cherish time, I value moments. Moments are all I have until the next moment. That moment when my daughter is here with me forever, that moment when my son wants to leave with me more often, the moment when my tears dry from my face from those moments. Use your time wisely.

Well Done.

"Greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world"

My mistakes have not made me better yet they mold me into a magnate. Humbly reflecting in my life brings wisdom and understanding. In a world where we'd rather hear "o well" I seek to hear "well done." Not from the mouth of men, but from the Almighty. In a time where the Lord's name is called more in vain than in church, where black on black allegiance and hatred can be spoken in the same breath. Where the world can cheer for Gabby but can't come together for cancer. Where teenagers are looking for love and love turn into children then children turn into parents. This is a time when you can march for Trayvon Martin and gossip about the killings in our own backyard. "Times have changed.

What's your purpose?

What's your legacy? How would you want to be remembered? Are you content? Let me ask this "what would your eulogy really say?" This is a honest question. One morning someone will be talking over you and life as you known it will be over. Will the memory of you be buried along with your body? On the other side will you hear "well done?" Does it even matter? Y.O.L.O. right? At the end of the day it's the money right? The cars and the clothes? You've got to have fun right? I've watched so many people play God like it's Holloween. Not just with just the violence, but the mindset. People post social media writing statuses looking for praise, asking for followers. They claiming to be a king/queen wanting to be worshiped. That's the life that we live in. We accept it and live with it.

Life

Now most people's impulses are to turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, and clubs to cope. Accepting and challenging your problems have become too much. Lives are being taken and drastically altered for the simplest of altercations. Most of us are more concerned with the public eye than in house stability. Bills are being pushed back as Jordans are pushed out. More concerns are being made on kids clothing than on the nourishment of their bodies. The village is gone, big mamma is 36 and technology has created a lazy lifestyle. Gotta love it. We are in a culture where mothers will buy their daughter's dresses that's shorter than they time spend with them. Our future is bleak and it's hard to imagine from its already dim existence.

"O Well" "Well Done"

Our lives has been impactfully at an impasse where we will vote for a leader just because he is black and kill a man for wearing red. Yes our bodies are far from slaves but our minds are still trapped. There's no question to how we got here, the new question is where are we headed. It's not a new direction but a new course of action. The only way to turn "O well" into "well done" is to show actual concern. Not for the gossip but for the tribulation of a person. At any given moment you could be in a position to impact someone, when you do will it be "O well"or will you hear "well done"...